holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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