...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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