Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
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The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize