went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
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My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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