I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
