I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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