I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
