yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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