I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
