I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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