I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
