Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
