Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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