nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
