Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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