I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
