I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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