There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
