Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
