who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
