You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
