I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
