just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
