i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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