Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
