Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
