ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
