Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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