Will you blow on my dice?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
