So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
