god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
