you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
