there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
