OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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