Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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