You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
