From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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