I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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