Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
