He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
