Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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