It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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