Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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