smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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