And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
