I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You were trust falling into bushes
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
