So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
