After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
