so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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