i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
