Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
