I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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