She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
