So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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