We won't sleep together?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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