Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
