I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
