I need help removing her.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
