I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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