I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
