Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize