Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
