When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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