Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
