Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
