I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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